20多岁的青年,难免对漫漫生活感到迷茫,渴望得到来自前辈的引导,可以来听听加拿大多伦多大学心理学教授乔丹彼得森(Jordan Peterson)的建议。
彼得森教授第一提到,青年不要害怕承担责任:
Dont be afraid of taking on responsibility. Its where you find what sustains in your life. You can take on too much responsibility; you have to be cautious in that regard. But thats a less common problem than not taking on enough. A lot of the things that people regard as traps are actually the means to their life.
不要害怕承担责任,这是你维系生命的所在。你或许会承担过多的责任,在这方面你需要小心。但比起没承担足够责任来讲,这是个小问题。不少人们视作陷阱的东西,事实上是他们赖以生活的方法。
不少青年不想随便承诺一段感情,感觉自己有更关键的事情要做。但彼得森教授觉得,事实上,为爱付出承诺是非常有价值的一件事,甚至比大部分事情都更要紧。
You know often young people are afraid of commitment, for example, in the context of a romantic relationship. And because they feel that thats going to interfere1 with their pursuit of something more valuable.
青年常常害怕做出承诺,比如在一段恋爱关系中。由于他们感觉这种承诺会妨碍他们追求一些更有价值的东西。
Thats just not the case. Youre not going to find something more valuable in your life than a committed relationship with someone you love that sustains itself across time.
但事实不是那样的。你在生活中未必会找到比和你爱的人一同奔赴一段感情更有价值的事。这种关系能跨越时间的限制。
依据心理学家埃里克森(Erik Homburger Erikson)的人格进步阶段理论(Eriksons stages of psychosocial development),20多岁的青年正处于成年早期(Early adulthood2)。
在这个阶段中,青年经过了青春期的身份认可,开始筹备与别人打造亲密关系:
once people have established their identities, they are ready to make long|term commitments to others. They become capable of forming intimate, reciprocal relationships and willingly make the sacrifices and compromises that such relationships require.
一旦大家确立了身份认可,他们就做好了对别人付出长期承诺的筹备了。他们目前有能力形成亲密的、互相回话的关系(比如亲密的友谊或婚姻),并想为这种关系作出必要的牺牲和妥协。
If people cannot form these intimate relationships, a sense of isolation3 may result; arousing feelings of darkness and angst.
假如大家不可以形成这种亲密关系,孤立感或许会由此产生,进而引发阴暗和忧虑的情绪。
身处20多岁的生活阶段,生活尚未定型,面临海量重压和选择,有迷茫感和焦虑感是十分正常的。而处于信息互联年代中,大量信息的涌入更是会放大这类感觉。
现实的重压和困难要想方法解决,而在思想上大家也要充分做好筹备,敢于承担责任、积极打造亲密关系,那些难熬的时光终会过去!